Frustration x 2 = Growth. Part Two

Her rebuttal to my interrogation started as I expected. "You don't understand. You're not there to see how she talks to us. Plus I'm tired. My phone's not working. My dad doesn't trust me. I'm frustrated with school and classes." It went on and on. When I had the chance I asked questions. I remained calm amazingly. I guess I felt bad. All of a sudden I could remember what it was like to be 13. I always joke with her and tell her everything seems like a BIG deal when your that age but this time I could actually feel her stress. I guess I had gotten used to dealing with sudden burst of overwhelming frustration in my life. She was only 13 and didn't have that experience to know everything has a solution.
I reached out for her hand as tears ran from her face and kissed it. I held her hand on my face. "I'm not mad at you baby." I said. I kissed her hand again. "It's going get better mami. I can help. You just got to make some decisions."
We went on to discuss responsibility and being a team player. The fact that she's always going to have someone that's difficult in her life was also touched on. I explained that she needs to communicate better with her coach and her dad. She needed to continue being a good person though her situation was against her. Her coach couldn't think she was being harsh on her if in return all she did was slack and disrespect. Her father couldn't realize she was being truthful and open if she decided not to speak to him in anger.
My drive home is about 25 minutes. When we arrived my sister, her kids, and my mother were home. Friday nights are kind of a new tradition. This seemed only to frustrate her more. Putting on a happy face for others is always a challenge. In my family especially. We're pretty proud when it comes to showing vulnerability. She wiped her face and I blinked quickly to remove any trace from my own welling of tears. We stepped out the car, walked in together and greeted our family.
It took her a moment but eventually things resumed to normal. Before I knew it she was talking on the phone, as usual (though it was my mothers) but things were calm. The teenagedom had been returned to peace after potential collapse.
As parents we go through things but so do our kids. My problems, though at times feel more important than my daughters, are not. Atleast they should seem like it.

Frustration x 2 = Growth. Part One

On Fridays most people have a sense of elation or maybe even anticipation for the weekend but this particular Friday I just couldn't wait to go home and lay my head down. Work had gotten the best of my patience and the warning sign in my head was flashing a bright red "EMPTY". I wish I could have gone straight home but that wasn't in the plans..well at least not yet. I had to pick up my baby. She's 13 years old and far from a baby but that habit of still calling her "my baby" is far from over.
On my way to her school I tried to compose myself. I relaxed, played my favorite R&B songs and tried not to get annoyed as several people cut me off and others seemed to be following a funeral procession. When I couldn't take it anymore I slammed on my clutch, switched gears and speed off into relaxation. It's amazing what speed does for me. Thank God that a little exhilaration goes a long way. I arrived with 10 minutes to spare. "How wonderful!" I thought. I can go in and speak to her after school activities coach.
As I walked into the school I instantly got this "mom" vibe. Something was going on. It wasn't a feeling of danger; it was the feeling of someone is up to no good."Where was my kid?" Yup, she was missing from the group and so where her friends. I approached one of her coaches and greeted her. I hoped she'd inform me of how well things were going but that didn't happen. She informed me that recently my daughter has had a serious attitude problem and was taking time at practice to speak to passing boys and slack in practice. That wasn't all. I also learned that as a parent I was out of the loop. Any and all information to future happenings and or past events had never been given to me. This got my blood pumping. I was team mom at her last squad not even two years ago. How I could I be that parent that never knew anything? I was embarrased. Needless to say that when I did see my daughter for the first time she knew right from my face that I was not happy. Once again, I tried to contain myself as we left the school. In my head I tried to assemble calm but firm words to get this matter resolved. I just knew that if started to swear all composure would be lost. I have an awfly foul mouth when upset.
We both got in the car and shut the doors behind us. There was a brief silence and then I spoke. "Do you still want to be in cheerleading baby?" I said as I looked at her. Her head was down looking at her cellphone and she said without looking back "yeah". "So why is it that I dont know what's going on?""Why is it that you never know what's going on?" Before I could even get an answer she was on the phone. She had called her dad to let him know I had picked her up and we were on our way to my house. By that time I had finally turned the car on and was driving home. I try not to drive when upset. Previous experience has taught me that you are not very aware of your surroundings when emotional.
When silence was present again I resumed the interrogation. "So? Cause I hear you also have an attitude." "What's up with that?" The eyes instantly rolled back and her head started to nod. Oh boy, here comes a dose of that attitude. Im her mom. I can feel exactly what's coming.